As a young girl, I carried a quiet pity toward my mother. Not because she was not a good mpther to us, but because she always seemed so powerless in the presence of my father.

She was never allowed to make decisions of her own and never had access to money, even though she worked endlessly to help earn it. She spent long days in the fields tilling the soil, harvesting crops, and preparing produce for the market, yet once the yields were sold, her role ended there. The money belonged to my father.

In fact, before my father passed away, I had never seen my mother hold money of her own.

Looking back now, I realize how difficult it must have been for her to truly mother us while she herself was surviving. Whenever we needed things like sanitary pads, she would tell us, “Ask your father.” But we did not have that kind of relationship with him. Sometimes I chose to go without rather than gather the courage to ask.

And it was not just about material things. I had watched my mother being beaten, dismissed, and spoken to like she was a child. So when something hurt me deeply, she never felt like a safe place to fall. She seemed just as vulnerable as I was. Like she, too, needed someone to protect her.

Years later, I have watched her become a completely different woman. After my father passed away and life forced her to take charge, I saw strength in her that I never got to witness as a child. I saw wisdom, confidence, and the ability to make sound financial decisions. I often wonder who she would have become if life had allowed her to bloom sooner.

This Mother’s Day, my heart goes out to women who are trying to raise children while fighting to survive emotionally, financially, and socially themselves. I wish more women were given the support, safety, dignity, and opportunities they need to fully step into motherhood without losing themselves in the process.

And as for me, I pray my own children never look at me and feel like I am too broken, too powerless, or too limited to help them. I hope they experience me not only as a loving mother, but as a safe one.